


wandering child (so lost, so helpless)

by almond_blossoms



Series: overture [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: AI Tony Stark, Angst with a Happy Ending, Endgame Fix-It, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Canon Fix-It, Suicidal Thoughts, Time Travel Fix-It, peter isn't coping well with tony's death, peter texts tony's phone as a coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-09-26 19:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20394697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almond_blossoms/pseuds/almond_blossoms
Summary: i take it back it hurts even more now i cant breathe i nee d to see you again can i please die so i can see yuo againi want tobut mayand pepper adn happy and rhodey and morgan she wouldnt undersatnd-He really,reallywasn’t well, but he’d never admit to that. Not when everyone actually believed he was healing and moving on. He never let anyone touch his phone. Phone equaled Tony. He barely used it for anything else.Still, he smiled for Morgan who was none the wiser; not old enough to understand or grasp the concept of someone dying. She knew Tony wasn’t there, but did she know he was never coming back?





	1. don't take it away from me

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Заблудшее дитя (такое потерянное, такое беспомощное)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21549610) by [Liraira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liraira/pseuds/Liraira)

> tw for some suicidal ideation, especially in the peter's texts !!
> 
> title from the musical "the phantom of the opera"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from "love of my life" by queen

Sometimes, Peter forgot that Tony was gone. It happened a lot in the beginning; when he was refusing to let himself grief. He didn’t want to even acknowledge that Tony was dead, so sometimes, he forgot.

* * *

_can we work in the lab today? i have some new ideas for my web fluid !!_

_happy’s picking me up after school so i’ll be there by dinner_

_oh_

_i miss you_

* * *

This would almost bring tears to the boy’s eyes. Only almost. He never let himself feel the pain for very long. May kept telling him that at some point, he’d have to let it out and somehow move on. _Just like with Uncle Ben_, she’d say. Peter would just look at her.

He hadn’t cried since the battle. He _almost_ cried at the funeral. Didn’t care that all his childhood heroes were right there with him. It didn’t matter without Tony.

He smiled for Morgan even though she was so similar to Tony that it made his throat close up. Kept smiling for her because he felt some sort of responsibility. Pepper always called him Morgan’s big brother and he wasn’t about to let that precious, little girl down.

It made him feel guilty that whenever she asked about Tony, he didn’t really want to answer. But he did, of course, because he wanted her to remember him. It was just that _he_ didn’t want to remember that he was gone.

* * *

_morgan talks about you a lot_

_she always wants to know what you would say_

_not sure how much she understands but she says she misses you and wants you to come home_

_i want that too_

_please come back tony it hurts so bad and she looks so much like you_

_i told her you’re always looking out for her even though you’re not here_

_is that stupid?_

_it made her smile. that’s what matters right?_

_i really wish you were here i don’t know what to do_

* * *

When he finally cries, it’s certainly not how he’d imagined it would go down. He’s patrolling, just like any other day, when Karen notifies him about an update for his suit. She tells him he doesn’t need to go home, that she can connect to wifi nearby and access it from there. She won’t tell him how - only that it’s in her cloud, apparently - or what it is, but tells him to settle on a rooftop.

“I won’t be able to assist you during the update, so just sit and relax while you wait for it to be done. Have a nice night. Look at the stars,” she says, and then it’s quiet. Peter does as he’s told. He looks at the stars. Tries to recognize some constellations. MJ had taught him and Ned once. He spots Leo. His own zodiac sign. He finds Gemini and Orion as well, and then he can’t remember any others. So he counts instead.

He’s startled when his suit comes back to life, just when he’d passed two hundred stars.

“Hey, kid.”

_What?_

“You know, usually this is where you say ‘hi’. And then you ramble about your day.”

“Tony?” he whispered, feeling his chest tighten.

“Took you forever to call me that--”

Peter ripped off his mask, physically turning away from where he dropped it on the ground. Bringing his knees to his chest, he choked out a sob, and then everything he’d been stowing away in a distant part of his brain just exploded. It all hurt so bad. It was way worse than dying. Way worse than being crushed by a building because there was nothing he could do to fix it. He couldn’t bring Tony back no matter how much he wanted to.

What he did next might not be logical at all. He got his phone out and texted Tony. Even though there was some version of Tony in his suit he could actually speak with, his first instinct was to text him. That was familiar. It was safe.

* * *

_why would you do that_

_it hurts too mcuh_

_i cant hear your voice its not you_

* * *

He only put the mask back on because he had to get back home so May wouldn’t be worried. “Mute,” he said, voice thick with tears, before Tony could utter even a single word to him. Not really Tony, but he sounded exactly like him, talked just like him, but it wasn’t _him_ so he couldn’t handle it. Hearing his voice just wasn’t enough. Maybe it was selfish, but he wanted more. He couldn’t hear Tony’s voice and then not be able to hide in his arms. It was too much and too little.

The following weekend, he brought his suit with him when visiting Pepper and Morgan. He usually left it at home, but it felt right to at least give Pepper the opportunity of hearing her husband’s voice again.

Again, he smiled for Morgan. Maybe it was even a genuine one when she came running towards him, flinging herself into his arms, either laughing or screaming from joy; Peter wasn’t sure, but it made him smile. It took him by surprise whenever a smile appeared on his face without him having to force the corners of his mouth up. May had commented on it one day with a sad look on her face. _Your smile never reaches your eyes._

Peter had apologized.

* * *

_i told pepper that she could talk to you with my mask_

_but i don’t know if she will_

_i can’t yet i’m sorry_

_i hope she does, she misses you so much. she tries to be strong but last weekend i woke up thirsty and went to get some water and she was crying in the living room_

_probably should’ve comforted her but i didn’t know if she wanted that so i went back to my room before she could notice me_

_you know how i can hear much more than a normal person? well i hear her crying at night sometimes too_

_pretty sure she doesn’t know i can hear her_

_wish i could make her feel better, she’s so nice to me_

* * *

“Thank you, Peter,” Pepper said with a tired smile Saturday morning. She looked like she hadn’t slept, but she looked happy. She didn’t tell him about how FRIDAY had been bugging her about the same update in her own suit. Up until now, she’d refused, thinking it would only bring her more pain. But after a night spent talking with Tony - not really Tony, but enough Tony to make it feel like a normal conversation on the phone - she came to the conclusion that having him in her own suit wouldn’t be so bad.

She only ever really used the suit to take Morgan flying over the lake; the look of pure joy on her daughter’s face something that never failed to cheer her up. One thing was certain - from now on, she’d use the helmet a lot more. Just to hear Tony’s voice every once in a while. Maybe every night. Maybe too much, but she didn’t care. It made her less sad.

Maybe talking to Tony would make Peter less sad too.

Not yet, though.

It was enough for him to see Morgan happy. It hurt a little, but much less than before.

* * *

_me and rhodey and happy are gonna build morgan a tree house_

_you would’ve corrected my grammar there for sure_

_she lost her first tooth today, yanked it out by herself_

_that’s so morgan, you would’ve laughed so hard_

_pepper seems happier ever since she started talking to you_

_i’m gonna talk to you too_

_but not yet. soon. i promise_

* * *

Back on the same rooftop, a little over a month later, Peter took a deep breath.

“Unmute.”

“Hi, Pete.”

Peter teared up immediately. “Hi,” he forced out between choked sobs, an undeniable smile on his face.

“I’ve missed you, kid.”

“I miss you,” he cried, his voice a wobbly whisper as his whole body shook. He hugged himself in the absence of Tony’s arms.

“I know, Petey, I’m sorry. I wish I could be there with you.” He sounded much more emotional than an AI should be able to.

“Please come back.” He could barely make out what he was saying himself, so it was a miracle Tony understood him.

“You know I would if I could. I’d do anything for you guys.”

“I miss you,” he repeated, his sobs not letting him take a proper breath.

“Shh, you gotta breathe, kid. Breathe.”

“I-I can’t. It hurts-s so bad.”

“Follow my lead, you know the drill by now. In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. C’mon, you got this. In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three…”

He steered him away from the anxiety attack with patience Tony only had for the people he cared the most about. Not that an AI could even be impatient. But it was so safe, so familiar.

_You sound so much like him_. “I got an A on my Spanish test,” he sniffled once he’d calmed down, not knowing what else to say as he ran a hand up and down his arm just like Tony used to do.

“That’s great! You know, my Spanish was never that good, but I can get by in Italian.”

“Really?” Peter felt stupid for talking to his AI as if it were actually Tony. But he sounded so real. And he knew the things that Tony knew. Peter wondered how long Tony had spent on coding this AI. Had it originally been just for Pepper, a project dating way back? Was it something he started on for Peter before the snap and then kept working on during the five years that he was gone? He could ask, but he didn’t. All he needed to know was that the AI resembled Tony so much that he could pretend he was real.

They talked, just as they would’ve talked on the phone. It went on for hours - at one point, Tony turned on the heater in his suit for him. He helped him spot more constellations. Told him how many stars were in the sky.

“You should probably get home soon. Can’t have Aunt Hottie worrying too much,” Tony quipped. Almost palpable.

“Tony,” Peter scolded with a laugh. The first real one since… since Tony died. Peter didn’t notice, though. He just got up, and stretched out his arms and legs before swinging home.

* * *

_it was nice to talk to you. it felt real_

_if i pretend we’re talking on the phone it feels even more real_

_how did you even make an ai seem so real_

* * *

Maybe talking with Tony was a bad idea. Peter woke up at three in the morning in a pool of his own sweat and a scream stuck in his throat. His heart felt like it was about to beat its way out of his chest.

_Tonytonytonytonytonytonytony_

His mind wouldn’t stop, and all he could think to do was to grab his phone.

* * *

_i cant do this_

_you have to come back i dont konw what t odo_

_i need you to be alive i dont need your voice i need you to coe back_

_i cant do this whihtou you please come back_

_thsi isnt fair eveyone got to live except you anf i shouldve been better i couldve helpd i shiuld be the one whos dead not you_

_morgan needs you and pepper needs yoh and i need you please pelase please_

_it hurts so bad i dont konw what to do i wanna die please help m e_

* * *

Phone clutched to his chest as if it were a lifeline, he eventually fell back asleep.

When his alarm went off, he unlocked it right away.

* * *

_sorry i freaked out, i had a nightmare_

_i forgot natasha i feel so bad_

_everyone got to live except you and natasha, that’s what i meant_

* * *

He muted his suit again, and asked if he could have Karen’s voice back. If not, he didn’t want to hear anything.

“Hello, Peter. It’s nice to talk to you again.”

“Hi, Karen,” he sighed, relieved. “Anything going on nearby?”

“There seems to be a group of men about to rob a store four blocks from here.”

“Lead the way, then,” the boy told her, swinging through the streets where she directed him.

He joked around the way Spider-Man always did. Made sure all civilians were safe, webbed the bad guys up, talked to a kid wearing a Spider-Man t-shirt, and felt weirdly proud before swinging aimlessly through the city.

Karen notified him whenever a situation looked like it could benefit from a visit from the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, and he dutifully helped whoever needed it.

* * *

_i don’t think i can hear your voice yet and i feel bad bc you spent time on it_

_i want to, i really do, but i don’t think i can_

_this is enough for now, hearing your voice still hurts too much_

_i’ll tell pepper to say hi from me_

_no that’s stupid forget it i’m so stupid i know it’s not really you_

* * *

Whenever he spiraled, he had a bad habit of texting Tony. It was the one thing he could turn to without facing consequences. If he told May how he was feeling, she would tell Pepper and they would set him up with a therapist. He didn’t want that. Didn’t want anyone but Tony. And if he told Ned, he’d tell May. He wasn’t angry about that; he knew Ned would only do it because he cared about Peter. But he didn’t want it. So everyone thought he was coping well. He was more shut off than usual and didn’t talk as much, but that was expected. They thought he was okay.

He wasn’t.

* * *

_you have to be here_

_i’m scared i’m gonna forget you_

_what if i forget your voice_

_or what you looked like_

_or your hugs_

_i miss your hugs so much they made me feel safe_

_i feel so lost like i don’t know where to go_

_what if i can’t live without you_

_oh god morgan’s so young she’s gonna forget you i can barely remember my parents i can’t remember their voices and i was a year older than her_

* * *

More often than not, the messages were frantic, devoid of any logic. He couldn’t keep his mind on track when he thought about Tony. All he knew was that it hurt and that it wasn’t fair.

* * *

_please please please come back i’ll do anything_

_i don_

_i wish i'd snapped why didn’t i do it why did i let you die it shouldve been me i had it_

_inwish it was me this hurts way too much_

_i shouldn't be this weak when pepper is so strong shes your wife i’m just your_

_i don’t know what even am i?_

* * *

Rare glimpses of recovery shined through when he was happy. As happy as he could be.

* * *

_i slept over at ned’s house for the first time since everything happened_

_it was fun, we had a good time_

_we even talked about you and i didn’t cry_

_all happy stuff, but lately everything about you makes me cry_

_felt nice to remember the good parts_

_still hurt tho_

_but almost in the way it does when i think about uncle ben_

_not like it was gonna crush me_

_i feel like that a lot when i think about you_

_but i think maybe a little less now_

* * *

Keyword: rare.

* * *

_i take it back it hurts even more now i cant breathe i nee d to see you again can i please die so i can see yuo again_

_i want to_

_but may_

_and pepper adn happy and rhodey and morgan she wouldnt undersatnd_

* * *

He really, _really_ wasn’t well, but he’d never admit to that. Not when everyone actually believed he was healing and moving on. He never let anyone touch his phone. Phone equaled Tony. He barely used it for anything else.

Still, he smiled for Morgan who was none the wiser; not old enough to understand or grasp the concept of someone dying. She knew Tony wasn’t there, but did she know he was never coming back?

Maybe not. One time Peter was staying over, he walked past her room to get to his own, and heard her mumbling something. It was pretty late; she’d been asleep for a few hours already, and Peter was ready to try to get some sleep. That was a problem for him. He struggled with sleep. Partly because he was terrified of dreaming about Tony, but also because his body often wouldn’t let him. But, then again, in some way he was desperate to dream about Tony despite how much it hurt to wake up and remember that he was gone.

Peter stopped to check on her, trying to make out what she was saying. He startled when she opened her eyes, pushing herself up so she was sitting, and called out tearfully, “Daddy?” When she didn’t get an answer, she repeated herself - this time with a sniffle, and it pulled Peter out of his paralyzed state of mind. He smiled for Morgan even though he was falling apart.

“Hey, Mo, you alright?” he asked her gently as he walked into her room.

“I had a bad dream,” she told him. “Daddy always makes the bad dreams go away.” Present tense. Maybe she really didn’t understand.

“Yeah? How does he do that?” He was biting his cheek to keep himself from bursting into tears all the while drying away hers with his thumb.

“Juice pops,” she said, a tired, yet mischievous smirk on her face.

“Juice pops, huh?”

“Mhm!”

“If you’re trying to trick me into getting us juice pops… you’ve succeeded,” he smiled at her, ruffling her hair the way Tony used to do to him before he got up. “I’ll be right back,” he promised.

On his way downstairs, he met Pepper who was heading to bed. She warmly bid him a good night, accompanied by a kiss to his forehead for the second time in ten minutes, and told him to try and get some rest. “You’re tired, I can tell,” she said, a sad look in her eyes.

“I’m okay,” he lied, but was apparently convincing enough because Pepper went to bed, and he went downstairs.

With the juice pops in his hands, and napkins in his pocket, he had a mini breakdown outside Morgan’s room, but pulled himself together before she could wonder what was taking so long.

“You want red or green?” he asked her, holding them both up.

“Red,” she decided, no hesitation.

“Alright,” Peter chuckled, handing it to her. “Try not getting anything on your bed, okay?”

“I won’t. Me and Daddy do this all the time,” she said, obviously exaggerating.

“I’m sure you do,” he smiled, and they ate in silence. By the looks of her, she was dead tired, fighting sleep to finish her treat, and when she handed her empty stick to Peter, her eyes almost fell shut. With a smile on his face, he cleaned her face with a napkin, and tucked her back in.

“Think you can go back to sleep now?” he choked out, but the young girl didn’t notice how sad he was.

“Yes, I can,” she confirmed, mumbling.

“Okay, sweetheart. I love you.”

“Love you, Peter,” she yawned, her body relaxing as sleep took over again, nightmare long forgotten.

Peter wished Tony was there to make her bad dreams go away. And his own.

* * *

_i dont think morgan knows youre gone_

_i wish i was younger so i could not know like her_

_cause this hurts too much_

_when is it supposed to get better it hurts more than before_

_it hurts more and more everyday_

_thats opposite of what it’s supposed to be like_

_what’s wrong with me_

_please please can you fix it_

_everything_

_i need you to fix everything_

* * *

Again, he fell asleep clutching his phone to his chest, and didn’t wake up until Morgan crawled into his bed the next morning. On instinct, he opened his arms to let her cuddle up to him. He wondered if the unconditional love he had for Morgan was what Tony had felt for him. If it was, he could understand why he did what he did. Why he was willing to run simulation after simulation to figure out time travel.

Why he snapped.

Pepper had told him that Tony did it for him. That the thing that kept him going was getting Peter home. That without the hope of getting Peter back, he wouldn’t have been willing to sacrifice his second chance. “You were his first kid, Peter. Don’t forget that.”

Peter would do anything to protect Morgan; to make sure she was safe. As much as he wanted to be angry at Tony for sacrificing himself, he couldn’t. Because he would’ve done the same for Morgan.

It didn’t make it better, though. Didn’t make it hurt any less. Just helped him understand.

* * *

_i get why you did it_

_i just wish it’d been me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter two will be less sad i promise


	2. because the sky is blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from "because" by the beatles

Everything changed with a single phone call. A phone call Pepper got just after putting Morgan to bed. She was sitting in the living room with Peter and May who were visiting. They visited whenever they could.

“Oh, it’s Bruce,” she said, a little surprised before accepting the call. “Hi, Bruce, how are you?”

Peter focused so he could hear what Bruce was saying.

_“Hey, Pepper. Look, I’m not sure just how to say this, but, uh…”_

“Is everything alright?”

_“Yes! Yes, everything’s perfect, really. That’s what I need to talk to you about.”_

“Oh. Okay?”

_“Listen, for-- for a while, I’ve been working on a way to… to save Tony, to bring him back.”_

“You… you what?”

“What the hell?” Peter whispered, leaning forward in his seat. May quietly asked what was going on, and all he could say was, “Tony.”

_“I figured it out. We-- we got him back--”_

“What you mean? What do you-- how did you get him back? Is he alive?” Pepper rambled, tears quickly filling her eyes. Peter clutched his own phone through his pocket.

_“He’s alive. He’s-- he’s badly hurt, but he’s alive. Cho’s on her way with her team, and he should be fine.”_

“You better not be joking, Bruce,” Pepper warned him as she started crying.

_“Pepper, I would never.”_

“Tony-- Tony’s alive,” Peter mumbled, looking at May who looked just as shocked as Pepper.

“Can I talk to him?” Pepper asked, doing her best to keep her voice steady.

_“He’s in surgery at the moment. Has been for a while, he’s done soon. We’re at the temporary compound, you should come.”_

“Yes. Yes, of course, I’ll-- I’ll pack and then I’m going. Also, you have so much explaining to do,” she said, drying away her tears while successfully making the scientist on the other end of the call go pale.

_“I’m counting on it.”_

Hanging up, she met Peter’s eyes. “I-- I guess Tony’s alive,” she uttered, and it had clearly not sunken in yet. “I have to go. I gotta-- May, can you look after Morgan? I can’t-- I can’t bring her to see him yet, I--”

“Of course, Pepper,” May said, a little stunned. Next to her, Peter was trying to wrap his mind around it all as Pepper hurried off to go pack.

“I wanna go too. Pepper, I need to go with you!” he blurted out, pushing himself up from the couch, but she was already upstairs. May grabbed onto his arm.

“Peter, maybe that’s not--”

“I have to-- I need to see him, May. He’s-- either I go with Pepper or I put on my suit and get there by myself.” His voice was wobbly, but his words were clear.

“I know,” May sighed. Of course he would. And she couldn’t blame him for that. She knew how important Tony was to him. Loved that he had gotten another kind of father figure in his life after Ben, and hated that the world took him way too soon just like it had taken Ben and his parents. “Go pack, sweetie.”

Peter bolted up the stairs, adrenaline kicking in, not letting him really take in the fact that Tony was back. He ran into Pepper in the hallway.

“Coming with me?” she asked, keeping him in place with her hands on his shoulders.

“Yeah.”

“Good. Pack your bag.” She kissed his forehead, gently pushing him towards his room.

Not even five minutes later, they were at the front door, May assuring Pepper that she and Morgan would be fine, but firmly instructing them to keep her in the loop about Tony.

In the time Peter had known Pepper, he’d never seen her as shaken as she was then. She was fidgeting, eyes seemingly never locking on anything in particular.

“Are you okay?” he asked, looking at her from the passenger seat, and cringed the second he’d asked because it sounded so small in comparison to what was happening.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. It’s-- it’s a lot to take in, is all. Are _you_ okay?” Her tone was so motherly.

“If Tony’s alive, then, yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Maybe they weren’t as shocked as they should’ve been. But with the time heist turning out as a success just months earlier, nothing seemed impossible.

Pepper had hoped. She hadn’t dared say it out loud; to make it a wish never to come true, but now, her world was about to become whole again.

The drive there was a distant, blurry memory to them the second they stepped out of the car, and saw Bruce waiting for them outside. There was no time for polite greetings.

“Is he--” Pepper began.

“Out of surgery. He woke up almost an hour ago,” Bruce informed them.

“This is real,” Peter mumbled, realization seeping into him. “This is actually-- Tony’s-- I can’t--” He struggled to get a full breath of air, and he clenched his fists.

“Shh, shh, Peter, breathe,” Pepper soothed him, immediately shifting her full attention to the boy. She was well versed in calming someone down from an anxiety attack. “Look at me, okay? Deep breath.” Peter did as he was told. “Good, sweetheart. A few more.”

The way Pepper could ground him that fast was a sight to behold. Just a couple of minutes later, Peter nodded to tell her that he was okay.

“Okay?” she asked to confirm with him.

“Okay,” he said with a slight smile.

“Think you’re ready to see him?”

“Y-yeah. Definitely,” he breathed out. Pepper maintained eye contact with him for a little longer, looking away only when she was sure he was telling the truth.

“C’mon, I’ll take you to him,” Bruce said, leading them inside, and through hallways he appeared to be very familiar with. Peter zoned out, and was surprised when they came to a stop.

“He’s really in there?” Peter asked, sounding much younger than he actually was. He was holding onto his phone inside his hoodie pocket.

Bruce nodded. “Before you go in,” he said. “They had to… they had to amputate his right arm.” Pepper frowned at that

“He snapped and survived it? How?” she asked, caught between wanting to know how they’d saved her husband, and wanting to see him right away.

“Yeah. Long story short, we went back to when he snapped, the same way we went back for the stones, and held onto him to-- to disperse the energy. Nebula came up with it. And it worked. He still took the brunt of it, but he survived,” Bruce explained.

“Thank you,” she said, eyes filling with tears. “Can we see him now?”

“Of course.” Bruce opened the door, ducking to avoid knocking his head. Peter ended up in the back, and felt a desperation to see Tony.

“Oh my god,” Pepper cried softly when she made eye contact with her husband.

“Hey, Pep,” he smiled, voice raspy. Pepper almost flinched at that. Tony put away his phone which was in his left hand. His only hand.

Peter froze when he laid his eyes upon him for the first time, unsure how to react. “Oh, kid,” he sighed, his smile growing both wider and sadder at the same time.

Pepper approached him first, pressing a kiss to his forehead, and then one to his lips. She ran her fingers through his hair, a silent conversation going on between them. Turning to Peter, she saw him still frozen in the middle of the room. “It’s okay,” she promised him, holding out a hand to beckon him towards her. Hesitantly, he walked closer. When he stopped, she just smiled encouragingly.

“C’mon,” Tony whispered, patting the bed to get Peter to sit. The boy just stared for a second, but sat down when Tony nodded to him.

“Tony?” he choked out, a sob tearing its way up his throat.

“Hey, hey, I’m here, Pete. I’m here,” Tony said, placing his hand on Peter’s shoulder. The kid broke down at the touch, and let Tony pull him so that he was lying down, head resting on the man’s chest. His body shook, and he tried to quiet his sobs. Pepper sat down in a chair next to the bed, tears falling from her eyes too, albeit silent ones. She rubbed his back to help him calm down, and met Tony’s eyes again. They were filled to the brim with love and tears. He broke away to press a kiss to the top of Peter’s head.

“I got you,” he whispered, holding him tight. He wished he had his other arm so he could both hold him tight, and run his fingers through his curls at the same time. He gently shushed him until the sobs died down, Peter peeking up from where he’d hidden his face in Tony’s chest. “Hi,” the man smiled. _He’s so young_.

“Hi,” Peter said, his voice unsteady.

“I’ll give you two a minute,” Pepper decided, and stood up to leave the room, but not before kissing both Tony and Peter on the forehead.

“You okay?” Tony asked, rubbing Peter’s back in a soothing manner.

“Am now,” he said. “Are you?”

“Oh, yeah. Never better.” Peter smiled a little at that. “Saw your texts,” he told him, making his voice soft to let Peter know that it was okay.

“Oh. That’s… y-you weren’t meant to.” His cheeks went red as he thought about all the times he’d texted Tony mid-breakdown. All the red flags hidden from everyone else. “I-it was just a-a vent thing, and I didn’t mean it-- well, I--”

“We’ll talk about it another time, kid.” Tony just wanted to hold him. His kid. Peter didn’t argue; just relaxed against Tony again, listening to his steady heartbeat. He could barely believe it.

“I missed you a lot.”

“I know, Pete. I missed you too. So much, you don’t even know.” He kissed Peter’s hair again. “Did you meet Morgan?” he murmured, his voice filled with hope.

“Yeah,” Peter chuckled. “She’s amazing. She’s gonna be over the moon about this. Talks about you all the time.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think she understood that you… that you were…”

“Hey, don’t think about that. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.” He tightened his arm around Peter.

“Okay,” Peter sighed, closing his eyes.

When Pepper came back, Peter had fallen asleep, and was letting out the occasional snore. She snapped a picture, claiming that it was just for May, but Tony just rolled his eyes at that, and told her to send it to him as well.

“You alright?” she asked, keeping her voice quiet enough not to disturb Peter in his sleep.

“Oh, yeah, I can feel the morphine coursing through my veins,” he smirked. Pepper’s eyes softened.

“I bet,” she smiled, and took a deep breath. “This is so surreal,” she admitted.

“I’m sorry I left you alone,” Tony whispered, but it felt weird to say, because to him, it’d only been hours since the battle. For everyone else, it’d been months. He hadn’t even been dead. He’d just been whisked from the battlefield post-snap, and woke up with one arm missing.

He could see that Pepper’s hair was longer, and, he hoped he was imagining it, but Peter felt thinner than he could remember. On the battlefield, they were both wearing their suits when they reunited, so he couldn’t really tell, but he swore his shoulders weren’t as bony five years ago, before Titan. Gently, he placed his hand over Peter’s ear, hoping it would help keep him from waking up while he and Pepper talked.

“We were okay,” Pepper assured him, looking more relieved than he’d ever seen her, but grief lingered in her eyes as she thought about all the time without him. Something else dominated her eyes for just a second, something haunted, but it disappeared just as fast.

Tony copied her smile before looking down on Peter who was drooling on his hospital gown. He didn’t mind. He looked back up at Pepper, and this time his smile was gone. “I don’t think he was.”

Pepper looked confused and concerned, her pulse suddenly quickening. “What do you mean?” She knew he’d bottled up his grief more than he should. She’d both witnessed that herself, and May had talked to her about it. But they thought he was coping.

“Grab my phone, and look at the texts from Peter,” Tony told her, unwilling to let go of the boy.

“He… he texted you?” she asked, and Tony nodded. “But he had you in his suit. He could-- he could talk to you.”

“I checked with Karen. He only talked to my AI twice,” he explained. Before Pepper could scold him about not resting enough after the surgery, he spoke again. “Look at the texts.”

Pepper nodded, grabbed his phone from the bedside table, and unlocked it. He watched as she scrolled through the texts Peter had sent her husband while he was gone. She stayed quiet the whole time, but she was crying, constantly wiping away tears that were immediately replaced by new ones.

She put the phone down, hiding her face in her hands. She let out a quiet sob.

“How-- how did we not see it?” she whispered with an unsteady voice. “We all thought he was… well, not _okay_, but we thought he was coping. Healing. He’s just a kid, Tony, we should’ve noticed.”

“No one’s normal when they’re grieving. You couldn’t have known. Not even May caught it, so don’t beat yourself up over it, okay, honey?” Tony still held onto Peter, but did his best to provide comfort with his words and with his eyes. “And now that we know, we can help him. He’s gonna be okay.” At that, he looked down at Peter again, heart aching when he thought about the pain he must’ve been in.

“I love you,” Pepper said softly.

“I love you too, Pep.”

* * *

“Daddy!” Morgan screeched when Pepper allowed her into the hospital room Tony was temporarily living in. Once Pepper had seen that Tony was okay, she told May that she could bring Morgan to come see him.

Tony looked around the room, pretending to be confused. “I think I’m hearing Morgan, but I can’t see her anywhere,” he pondered, very seriously. This made the little girl laugh, and Peter, who was in the chair next to Tony’s bed, chuckled along.

“I’m here!” she giggled, trying to climb up in the bed, and was able to with a little help from Peter.

“Maguna! There you are,” Tony grinned, laughing again when she threw herself at him for a hug. He wrapped his arm around her.

“Careful, baby,” Pepper chastised, but had a grin on her face. Peter stood up to let the woman have his chair and to go say hi to May.

“I _am_ careful,” Morgan retorted, voice muffled by Tony’s shoulder before she pulled away. “Mommy said I had to be careful because you got really hurt and now you only have one arm,” she said as if it were the most natural thing in the world, looking into her dad’s eyes very seriously.

“I’ll let you in on a secret,” Tony whispered, Morgan immediately leaning closer. “I’m gonna build a new arm, and it’s gonna be even cooler.”

Morgan looked ecstatic, Tony mirroring her expression. “Can I help?” she asked, looking very hopeful.

“Well, duh. I can’t do it all by myself, where’s the fun in that?,” he told her, closing his eyes for a second to take in her giggles.

“And Peter can help. He’s really smart. He’s on the cat-long team!”

“The what, baby?” Tony asked with a surprised laugh.

“The decathlon team,” May clarified, traces of laughter still in her voice. She and Peter had settled on the couch in the room.

“Ohhh,” Tony realized. “Yeah, he is really smart.” He winked at Peter, who just smiled sheepishly back. “Hi, by the way,” he said to May. Morgan had claimed his attention right away, before he got the chance to say a single word to the woman.

“Good to see you, Tony,” she smiled, unconsciously pulling Peter closer with the arm she had around his shoulder. Pepper had briefly told her about the texts Peter had been sending to Tony’s phone. She felt guilty for not noticing.

“When can you come home?” Morgan asked, patting Tony’s chest to get his attention.

“A week or so.” The surgery had gone well, and the team of doctors were positive that he’d be ready to leave in not that long.

“That’s _so_ long, Daddy,” she whined dramatically.

“We’re staying here until he can come home, baby,” Pepper told her. “And it’s gonna be so much fun, ‘cause Uncle Bruce is here. And Uncle Steve, Uncle Bucky, and Uncle Sam. I think Uncle Rhodey’s on his way, too. Oh, and Uncle Happy as well!” Morgan’s eyes lit up.

“And Auntie Nat?” she asked, eyes bright and hopeful. Pepper had to force herself to keep the smile on her face as she thought about what to tell her.

“No, sweetie, she’s… somewhere else now. Remember we talked about her? How when Daddy and everyone else were trying to bring everyone back, it was really dangerous?”

Morgan nodded. “You said that she died, like Daddy, but that she’s always watching over us.”

“Mhm, that’s right, ‘cause she loves you so much,” Tony said, rubbing her back.

“But you’re here, Daddy,” she said, tiny hands moving to hold his face. “Why isn’t Auntie Nat here?” She was trying to figure it out, and Tony could see the wheels turning in her head. He wasn’t quite sure what to say to her.

“I don’t know.” He decided that that would be the best thing to tell her. Because he didn’t know if Bruce had worked out if it would be safe to extract her from Vormir.

“Okay.” Morgan accepted it, letting go of his face as she wriggled around to cuddle up to her dad, much like Peter.

“Alright, cuddle bug,” Tony chuckled, kissing the top of her head. He bit the inside of his cheeks to fight away the tears that threatened to fill his eyes.

He hoped.


	3. i am burnt out, i smell of smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this took so much longer than i thought it would. and it's not even that long, it was just ?? something about this was really difficult, but here it is!!
> 
> !! tw for suicidal thoughts 
> 
> chapter title from "burned out" by dodie

Even with Tony back, Peter still grabbed his phone on instinct whenever he woke up from a nightmare or was on the edge of a panic attack. Sometimes he forgot that Tony was back. _Alive_.

“Hey, where’d you go?” Tony’s voice startled Peter, even though they’d been sitting across from each other at the dining table for almost fifteen minutes. Tony had let Peter zone out for about three before he got concerned enough to snap him out of it.

“Hm? Sorry. I zone out sometimes. Too much noise,” Peter explained.

“Too much noise?” Tony inquired.

“Well, maybe not _noise_. Just… too much going on in my head, I guess is a better explanation. It’s noisy.”

“Alright. How long has that been going on?”

Peter looked embarrassed. “Since you died,” he whispered, looking down at his half-eaten slice of pizza.

“This have any connection with those texts you sent me while I was gone?” Tony asked carefully. He’d been meaning to bring it up ever since he came back - over a month ago - but there’d always been someone else around. He didn’t want to force Peter to talk about it with other people listening. Pepper, May and him had purposefully made sure that the only people at the lakehouse that weekend would be Tony and Peter. May had to work in the city, and Pepper and Morgan were on a girls only trip to Disney World.

Wringing his hands together, Peter sniffled a little. “Maybe.”

“Pete--”

“They weren’t meant to be read. I-I didn’t think that-that you’d be back, I thought you were gone, and I just missed you so much, Tony, I’m really sorry.”

“Shh, shh, Pete. C’mere,” he prompted and got up, letting Peter follow him to the couch. It wasn’t a surprise when the boy immediately attached himself to his side. Tony let a few seconds pass, running his hand soothingly up and down Peter’s back, placing a kiss to his messy curls.

“I meant all of it. I can still remember how much it hurt and I didn’t wanna feel it anymore,” he cried into Tony’s chest. The man couldn’t help but tense up a little bit at that. Peter hadn’t wanted to feel it anymore. His kid hadn’t wanted to live anymore.

“I wish you’d told someone,” Tony whispered. He hated that Peter had suffered alone.

“If I had, they wouldn’t have let me text you anymore,” Peter whispered back. “It was the only thing that felt even a little bit normal. Sometimes I could just pretend you were just out traveling or something.”

“I’m sorry I left you, Pete.”

“I never blamed you, so don’t be. You saved so many lives. Next to all of those, mine isn’t impo--”

“_No_. Do not say that. Don’t even think that.” Tony’s voice shook with the severity of his words, his heartbeat off the charts after hearing those words come out of Peter’s mouth. “I did it for you, you know?”

Peter looked up at him with a sniffle, his eyes wide, red and full of tears. “What?”

“At first I didn’t want to. I was scared to lose what I had. The _only_ thing missing was you. I wouldn’t have been able to risk it all if it wasn’t for the chance that I’d get to see you again,” he told him, maintaining eye contact so Peter could see that he really meant it. He wiped away a few tears on Peter’s cheek with his thumbs, giving him a small smile.

_I’m the reason you died_, was the first thing that entered Peter’s mind. He just looked at Tony, trying to wrap his mind around everything.

“Don’t do that. Don’t disappear into that big brain of yours and blame yourself,” Tony said, knowing Peter too well.

“But--”

“You’re my kid. I’d do anything to keep you safe. Anything for you and Morgan,” he told him clearly. Peter was an open book, and it hurt to watch him struggle to take in that information. Hurt that he didn’t know how much he mattered. Not even 18, and already so scarred.

“I didn’t want you to do _that_,” Peter whispered, hiding his face in Tony’s chest again.

“I’m sorry, Petey. I’m really sorry,” Tony sighed, holding him tight. Peter just sighed, burrowing his face even further into Tony’s chest, making the man smile. He let both himself and Peter just breathe for a couple of minutes.

“We still have to talk about those things you wrote,” he mumbled into the kid’s hair.

“No, we don’t. You’re back now. It’s okay,” Peter countered, a little defensive. “I meant it, _past tense_, but you’re back now.” He sounded a little too panicked for Tony’s liking.

“I think we both know that healthy minds don’t go to that place,” he sighed, pressing a kiss to his hair. “Judging from some of the things you wrote, I don’t think me coming back is gonna fix everything just like that.”

Peter balked back at that. “No… no, I’m fine. I’m-- nothing’s wrong with me!”

“No, nothing’s _wrong_ with you. I just think you need a little help getting your mind back on track, alright? Nothing’s wrong with you,” he tried calming him.

Shaking his head harshly, scooted away from Tony, hiding his hands in his sweater sleeves. “I’m not crazy,” he said. “I don’t-- I don’t need help.”

“Peter,” Tony whispered, tilting his head with his eyebrows furrowed in concern. “I’m not saying you’re crazy. I’m saying I wanna help you get better. _Feel_ better. To be honest with you, kid, I’m way out of my depth here. This isn’t something I’m good at, and I’m definitely not qualified. But I know you. And I don’t think you’re doing so well,” he spoke gently.

For just a second, Peter looked like he was going to cave, but then his face went blank. “I’m fine. I was just sad. Can I go to bed?”

Sighing, Tony nodded. “Of course you can.” He didn’t want to push it too far. It was enough for one night. But he _knew_ that Peter wasn’t okay. That he needed professional help. He might not realize how alarming the things he’d written were, even though it came from a grieving mind. It didn’t matter. Healthy minds didn’t go there.

* * *

The following day was filled with heavy silences. Tony tried his best to get Peter to talk; about anything, really, but was only met with single-word responses and guilty eyes that never met his for more than a second at a time.

At one point, Tony had gone to sit down next to Peter on the couch, but his phone was in the way, so he picked it up to put it on the table, but Peter had snatched it out of his hand instead. When Peter realized what he’d done, his eyes went wide. “Sorry,” he muttered, embarrassed, still clutching his phone possessively before shoving it into his pocket.

“That’s alright,” Tony said, sitting down with his arm on the back of the couch, behind Peter. An open invitation for the boy without making him feel trapped. “What’re you watching?” he asked him.

“It’s, uh… _Spirited Away_. It’s Japanese. I-- I can switch it over to English if you want,” he offered, moving just the slightest bit closer to Tony.

“No, no, that’s fine. Original language is always the best, right?”

“Yeah,” Peter breathed out, which almost sounded like a laugh. “It’s one of my favorite movies, I tried watching the English dub once, a-and it was so weird. Didn’t feel like the same movie at all,” he told him with a faint smile.

“I bet,” Tony chuckled. He took it as a victory when Peter cuddled up to him not even ten minutes later. However, when he fell asleep almost immediately, he grew concerned. If this was one of his favorite movies, he wouldn’t fall asleep in the middle of it. And it was only eight in the evening. Tony was pretty sure the kid hadn’t really slept the previous night.

“When was the last time you got a good night’s sleep, huh?” he mumbled softly into Peter’s hair, and chuckled when he let out a snore. “I love you, kid.” He pressed a kiss to his hair, and lowered the volume on the TV a bit to make sure Peter got as much sleep as possible. He waited until he was sure he was deeply sleeping before maneuvering him down so his head was in Tony’s lap. He looked peaceful and young.

At some point, the movie finished, but Tony didn’t get up. He continued to softly run his fingers through Peter’s hair. It was second nature to him. Whenever Peter began stirring a little, he’d just lull him back to sleep with soft touches and gentle words.

However, when Peter started whimpering, and wouldn’t stop, Tony raised his voice a little. “Pete. Kid, it’s alright, you’re just dreaming,” he told him, shaking him to pull him out of whatever his brain was feeding him. “You’re safe, Pete, I got you. Nothing’s gonna get you, okay? Just wake up for me. Pete!”

With a final, a bit more rough shake, Peter’s eyes opened. They were wide, and he blinked rapidly, searching the room. “I’m here, kid, it’s okay,” Tony soothed, stroking his cheek.

“You-- I fell asleep? I-I’m sorry, Tony, I really didn’t-- I didn’t mean to, and, I mean, i-it was me who wanted to watch--” Peter rambled, shooting up from Tony’s lap so fast that he almost fell off the couch, but Tony interrupted him.

“Hey, hey, hey, breathe, okay? Take it easy, you just fell asleep. That means you needed it. Okay?”

Peter took two deep breaths. “Okay.”

“Okay, spider baby.”

“Hey!”

“What?”

“Not a baby,” Peter insisted at the same time as he curled up to Tony’s side again, really not helping his case.

“Sure,” Tony smiled. Running his hand up and down Peter’s back, he waited until he was calm. “Wanna talk about what that dream was about?”

“Not really.” Peter was certainly not keen on talking about Tony being dead, no sir. He’d been having varieties of the same dream for a while. Ever since Tony got back, actually, which didn’t really make sense. They were always about him being dead, but he never had them until Tony wasn’t dead anymore.

“You sure? It really helps sometimes,” Tony offered again, but Peter just shook his head. “Okay, kiddo. What about heading to bed? Much more comfortable. That’s what I’ve heard at least.” At this, Peter nodded, and slowly got up.

“You go to bed too,” Peter said to him, smirking a little, looking like a little kid with his sweater paws and messy curls.

“Alright,” Tony smiled. “Good night, Pete.”

“Night, Tony.”

* * *

The next two weeks of silence wasn’t really something Tony had expected. Peter texted him every now and then, but always had an excuse as to why he couldn’t head up to the lake house. Tony even offered to go to him, but Peter quickly, albeit politely, shut him down. So he gave him the space he silently asked for, but still checked up on him through May.

He missed him more than he thought he would, but would’ve taken months of radio silence from him over the way the kid suddenly broke it on a late Saturday night. Or, early Sunday morning, really.

Tony was still awake, and didn’t realize someone was texting him until the third time his phone beeped. He’d been working on a second prosthetic arm, a bit more advanced than the one he made right away after he was allowed to go back home from the hospital. He put it down before picking up his phone. Three texts from Peter.

* * *

_are you awake?_

_i think i need help_

_sorry if youre asleep, it’s okay_

* * *

In a second, Tony was on high alert. Texting wouldn’t cut it, he decided, and called Peter instead. He picked up on the fourth ring.

“Tony? I-- Did I wake you? I’m really sorry, I know it’s late,” he rushed to apologize.

“I was awake, don’t worry. And, just for the record, you can always call me, alright? Doesn’t matter if I’m sleeping,” he said, trying to sound calm.

“Okay.” Peter’s voice sounded small, almost embarrassed.

“What’s going on, bud? What do you need help with?” he asked him.

“Just… what we talked about that night, you know? I-I think I need help,” he admitted with a sniffle as his voice became unsteady.

_That night_. “It’s okay, we’re gonna get you some help, alright?” Tony soothed him. “First thing in the morning. Why don’t you go back to bed and try to get some sleep, and then you call me again when you wake up? Or I can stay on the call and keep talking if you want,” he suggested.

“I’m not-- I’m not at home.”

“Where are you, then?” When Peter hesitated, he continued. “It’s okay, I’m not mad. Everyone needs a little air sometimes.”

“Outside.”

“Figured that much, but _where_ outside?” Tony chuckled, a little strained as he forced himself to sound lighthearted for Peter.

“No, I-I mean, I’m _outside_. Like, your house. I’m outside your house,” he explained, and Tony was stunned. Peter interpreted the silence as disapproval. “Sorry, I’ll just go back home, this was stupid.”

“No! No, Peter, I was just surprised.” The lake house was a two-hour _drive_ from Queens. “Jeez, come inside, kid,” he said as he hurried to the front door to look for him. He didn’t hang up until he heard some rustling and was able to locate him in the dark. Wearing only socks, he hurried towards him. It was cold, and he didn’t really want to think about how Peter had gotten there, or for how long he might’ve been just sitting outside. Upon getting closer, he could see Peter was crying and shivering. “Come here,” he mumbled as he pulled him in for a hug.

Sobs wracking his body, he spluttered a hundred apologies into Tony’s chest, but the man just shushed him, telling him that everything would be okay. “We gotta get inside, Pete,” Tony whispered, pulling out of the hug, but kept an arm wrapped around him as they walked inside. “How’d you get here, huh?” he asked as he closed the door behind him, Peter clinging to his side. “You’re not even wearing a jacket,” he realized when he started rubbing his hand up and down his back which was only covered with a hoodie.

“Have my suit on underneath. Heater’s on,” he mumbled. “And swinging and walking. That’s-- that’s how I got here.”

“Pete, that’s… You could’ve called me, and I would’ve been there.” Tony steered them towards, sitting down with a shivering Peter still pretty much attached to him.

“It was kinda late.”

Tony breathed in sharply. _Kinda late_. “Pete, what time was it when you left home?”

“I don’t know, like eleven maybe?”

“God, you’ve been outside in the cold for almost six hours, kid. The heater only helps so much.” _I’ll make it better next time_. He didn’t force him to go put on something warm, just bundled him up in all the blankets he could reach.

“I’m okay,” Peter said, and Tony wasn’t sure exactly what he was referring to.

“Wanna tell me what’s been going on?” he asked the boy, tucking him under his chin.

“I… I don’t know,” Peter hesitated. That was too big of a question.

“Alright… What made you come all the way here instead of going to May?” Tony asked instead.

“I panicked. I was on a rooftop, and I just… I panicked,” he explained, but that just confused Tony even more.

But Tony would pry it out of him if that was what his kid needed. “Why’d you panic?” he prompted, kissing the top of his head.

“I was just sitting on the edge, and started thinking about… well, I thought about how… how it would be so easy and how it wouldn’t be so bad if I-- and then I realized what I was thinking about and I just-- I panicked,” he forced out, sounding as if he were ashamed.

Tony worked hard to keep his breathing under control. The fact that those thoughts had crossed Peter’s mind on several occasions was enough to almost send him into a blind panic. He’d read the texts. _So_ many times, feeling uneasy - guilty - every time, but hearing Peter say it out loud was so much worse. It proved his point about how Peter hadn’t said those things just because he was grieving. It was real and it was terrifying.

“I’m so--” Tony had to clear his throat. “I’m so proud of you for coming to me. Okay? We-- We’re gonna get you all the help you need, and you’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay,” he promised, relieved that Peter was essentially hiding in his chest, so he couldn’t see how filled to the brim with tears Tony’s eyes were. He felt stupid, out of his depth, and was afraid to say the wrong thing.

“I don’t wanna feel like this,” Peter whispered, and then his breath hitched. “It’s like all the time, I just… either I feel sad or I don’t really feel anything, and then sometimes my mind just won’t shut up,” he cried, frustrated.

Tony hugged him closer, trying to will away all the pain he felt. He wished he could take it away from Peter and feel it for himself instead. “Everything’s gonna be alright. I’ll make sure,” he said, and Peter let out a sob. “No matter what. You’ll be okay. You’ll _feel_ okay. I’ve got you.” He rocked him gently, letting him cry for as long as he needed.

He’d make it alright. He’d hold Peter together when he wasn’t able to do it on his own. He’d do anything and everything for Peter to be okay. For his kid.

“I’ve got you.”

* * *

When Pepper found them asleep on the couch a few hours later, she wasn’t surprised. They hadn’t been very quiet, and she’d gotten up to see what all the noise was, but then quickly retreated back to bed when she heard Tony trying to comfort a crying Peter. In a way, she was relieved. Because they all knew that Peter wasn’t okay. And him finally opening up about something - anything, really - was a huge step in the right direction.

The sounds of Pepper making breakfast slowly woke Tony up. He groaned at the soreness in his neck, trying to stretch it out to relieve some of the pain. He got about three seconds of being annoyed by the pain before he remembered why he was on the couch at all. The first thought that crossed his sleep-deprived mind was that he’d gladly wake up with a stiff neck every day for the rest of his life if it meant Peter was okay.

Peter, whose face was pressed so firmly to Tony’s chest that he wondered if he was even getting any air. While he wanted to let the kid sleep, he didn’t know when he’d last eaten, so with a hand running up and down his back and rambling about breakfast, Tony woke Peter up.

“May?” Peter slurred without opening his eyes, sleep still heavy in his brain.

“No, Pete, it’s Tony,” the man chuckled, before his breath caught in his throat. “Oh, shit, May! She’s probably worried sick, she’ll kill me, oh my god--”

“It’s fine,” Pepper was quick to assure him, having walked into the living room when she heard them waking up. “I texted her a few hours ago when I heard you guys. It’s all good,” she explained, then looked at Peter. “Hey, sweetheart.” Her entire face softened, and she bent down to give him a forehead kiss. “Pancakes are almost done. Why don’t you go change in the meantime?” she suggested. At that, Tony looked down and remembered that Peter was wearing wearing his suit underneath his jeans and hoodie.

“We’ll be right there,” Tony said, looking after her when she disappeared into the kitchen again. That woman was an actual angel.

“I’m really sorry about last night, I wasn’t thinking--” Peter mumbled, eyes cast downwards.

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong, Pete. Don’t worry,” he told him, pulling him back into his embrace, just to hold him for a few seconds. “Now go get changed,” he smiled, gently pushing him up. Peter smiled tiredly back, pulling at his sleeves before heading upstairs. Once out of sight, Tony slumped, resting his head in his hands as he let out a shaky sigh. Then he went to Pepper. His light.

Pausing from setting the table, the woman brought her arms around her husband. “You okay?” she asked quietly, and Tony let out another sigh.

“Are any of us?” he chuckled, and kissed her cheek before pulling away. She cupped his cheek, looking on lovingly when he closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.

“How did he get here?” she asked, not really ready to break the silence, but aware that they’d have to be done with that conversation before Peter came back downstairs.

“Walking and swinging,” Tony told her, the smile on his face gone. He didn’t like thinking about his kid all alone and cold out in the dark for so long.

Pepper winced. “God, no wonder he didn’t make it to bed.”

“What did May say?”

“To take care of him,” she smiled sadly. “Did he say anything earlier, or--”

She didn’t get any further before they could hear two sets of footsteps heading down the stairs.

“Look who I found!” Morgan announced loudly, dragging Peter with her into the kitchen.

“Yeah, your brother’s here, munchkin,” Tony grinned at her, then looking at Peter to see him blushing a little, just like he did every single time someone outright referred to him as Tony’s kid in any way at all.

Morgan pulled on his hand to have him sit down next to her at the table, and they chatted animatedly until Pepper and Tony joined them, and told them to dig in. During breakfast, Peter seemed a bit skittish, hiding it well enough to keep Morgan from noticing anything was off, but both adults could tell. He was fairly quiet through breakfast, and when they finished up, Pepper whisked Morgan away to bring her to school.

At the mention of school, Peter’s eyes widened. “I’m gonna be so late,” he blurted out, shooting up from his seat.

Tony shook his head, leading him back to the couch. “You’re taking the day off. May’s calling you in sick,” he told him.

“But I have a--”

“No, Pete, that’s not important right now.”

“But--”

“Peter.” The boy’s eyes flicked to the floor. “We’re gonna have a good day. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay, good.” Tony gave him a one-armed hug, and just smiled when Peter snuggled up to him. “And then we’re gonna get everything else sorted. It’ll all be alright. But, right now, all you need to worry about what movie you wanna watch first. Everything else is in the future-- what does that Harry Potter guy say? Something about worrying…”

Peter’s face lit up. “Worrying means you suffer twice. And it’s Newt who says that.” He loved everything that had to do with Harry Potter.

“Yeah, that. It’s pretty smart, don’t you think? I, for one, could definitely learn from it,” Tony said, ruffling Peter’s hair.

“Can we watch _Fantastic Beasts_? The first one?” he asked quietly.

“Sure we can, kid.”

Peter didn’t say anything else before they were a good twenty minutes into the movie. Tony felt him moving around a little before he settled back down, head resting against his chest. “Thanks,” he whispered. Tony barely heard it.

“Always, Pete. I’ve always got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i didn't save nat, but this story was supposed to be focused on tony and peter !!


End file.
